1) Buzz Aldrin. Who’s that old guy that isn’t looking at the same point in space as everyone else?  That’s Buzz Aldrin, the actual second astronaut to step foot on the moon!  This serves as Aldrin’s seal of approval on Bay’s re-enactment of the first Moon landing in the opening scenes of the movie.  But the guy can’t act.  At some point, Michael Bay just gives up: “Look up here, Buzz, Optimus Prime is supposed to be RIGHT HERE.  HERE!  Ah, nevermind…”

2) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.  Megan Fox was plucked from obscurity to star in Transformers (2007) because she looked good in cutoff jeans while washing Bay’s car.  That was her audition.  Similarly, supermodel Rosie was hired after she showed up for Bay’s audition in her signature Victoria’s Secret lingerie.  Neither actress was hired for her acting ability, but Rosie at least makes Carly likable.  It might be the British accent that won me over, but she is arguably hotter than Fox.

3) John F. Kennedy. The historically accurate cameos were neat.  Four American presidents made appearances and three of them re-enact actual televised recordings from the past.  The only one that was clearly shown, though, was John F. Kennedy, telling his men that they needed to get to the moon pronto.  I’ve seen some pretty good facial animation in video games, but Kennedy looked like a plastic head on a stuffed suit.  He has an excuse though, he’s kinda dead.

Here is a list of Star Trek references that I saw:

• Episode that Brains and Wheelie are watching on TV.  “This is the one where Spock goes nuts.”
• “This is like the Starship Enterprise in here.”  Sam to Dylan in his showroom.
• “You will always be my friend.”  Optimus Prime to Sam before blasting off.
• “…My friend.” Actual Nimoy sound clip from Bumblebee’s radio to Sam.
• “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”  Sentinel Prime to the Autobots.  I was waiting for “or the one”.
• The disintegration of Cybertron.  It looked suspiciously like the black hole that destroyed Vulcan.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Star Trek, but Orci and Kurtzman took the Nimoy love to an unexpected level.  As it turns out, Leonard Nimoy is the uncle of Michael Bay’s wife, so it’s possible that Michael Bay snuck the Spock references into the script after casting was finalized.  Well, it’s fun for the fans and doesn’t involve needless scenes of dog humping, so I approve.

Well, Target restocked this weekend, and they got all of the new deluxe-sized figures in.   I got “Hunt For The Decepticons” Jetblade, Sea Attack Ravage and Ironhide.  Basically everything but the new Battle Blade Bumblebee, since I’m just not into collecting Bayblebees.  I did get the “War For Cybertron” Bumblebee though, because he’s awesome, and the War For Cybertron Optimus Prime.  I haven’t completed the War For Cybertron game, but these figures look great.

I picked up the other two figures from the Generations line: Drift and Thrust.  I’ll definitely be buying the Blurr repaint and the Dirge remold when they come out.  And because they were on clearance for seven bucks each, I bought the “NEST Global Alliance” Tuner Mudflap and Strike Mission Sideswipe.  It’s the only Mudflap that I own, and most likely the only one from the Bayformer Twins that I’ll ever own.

Although Target didn’t have the Power Core Combiner 2-packs, they did have the first two 5-packs.  I picked up the Aerialbots and the Combaticons.  Although it’s a shame that the limbs are considered “drones”, and as such don’t transform into robot modes, the combined modes do look cool.  Plus there’s the added bonus of being able to put the limbs on the figures from the 2-packs.  And I went back to Toys R Us today to pick up all three of those.

To preface, Sony started marketing their consumer robot line, the “Robot Companions”, in 2019.  They’re old hat by now, used as butlers, dog walkers, and house keepers — but then the very vocal Transformers Party started demanding a Transformer version.  After the Transformers Party took the Senate in 2032, Sony finally acquiesced, partnered with Takara-Hasbro, and built one that actually transforms!  I have little need for a three-foot tall semi truck in my house (With wheels, no less! How quaint!), but Prime still functions as a consumer-grade household appliance in robot mode.  I’ve got him answering my holo-mail now, cooking me pancakes in the morning, and battling spam-bots in the front yard (they come to your house now!).

But here’s the best part (been waiting 25 years for this):  No more buying Prime repaints!  The nano-paint on Robot Companion Prime can actually change colors when you touch the Matrix in his chest.  I’ll just pop open the chest panels (whoosh!), and there’s the Matrix!  You can’t see it, but it shines with its own inner glow, and it’s big enough for an adult to hold up, Rodimus-style, to light their darkest hour.  There, now he’s white and pale blue for Ultra Magnus.  And now he’s Black and Teal for Scourge.  And now he’s green and yellow for Chupacabra Buster, that’s when Prime defeated the Chupacabras.  Well, that hasn’t happened yet for you, but just know that things get bumpy for the human race around, oh, 2015.

No, I’ve already said too much!  I’m risking quantum paradoxical synergies by just calling back like this!  Just know that this is the Transformers figure to wait for!  Try to stay alive long enough to own one of these (remember, 2015 is the rough patch!).  He was almost too expensive to afford on my retirement account, but he’s well worth it!  With any luck, the designer for 50th Anniversary Prime will hear this and make it their life’s work to build it, or else, y’know, this future might not exist.  So, this is Michael Wilson, signing off, FROM THE FUTURE!

– For a recorded version of this contribution, please listen to episode 50 of the GCRN ToyCast podcast.

I enjoyed “Revenge of the Fallen“. It had even more giant robot action than the first, but it was a little too long. I drank two huge colas (free refills) before the movie even started, so I was hurting after two and half hours. There were plenty of bits that could have been removed for time. Which parts, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you.

The movie could have done with less dog humping. I told some people this over the Fourth of July weekend, and inevitably I got raised eyebrows: “Why is there dog humping in a Transformers movie?” Your guess is as good as mine, but Mojo scored a recurring role with a love interest, as well as five minutes of makin’ sweet love down by the fire.

I support our military completely, but some scenes bordered on recruitment video. Michael Bay claims that no stock footage was used, that every shot was taken with real military vehicles and personnel at his whim, but it looked an awful lot like stock footage to me. About twenty minutes of it, all told, none of which had any giant robots in it.

For some odd reason, John Tuturro’s ass made a cameo in the film. He just dropped trou right in the middle of the movie, with only a thong underneath. And to add insult to injury, he then turned around. This was in closeup, mind you. If they were trying to offset the female sexuality in the movie, this was the wrong way to do it.

And when I say “female sexuality”, I mean Megan Fox. There’s actually a line in the movie: “You’re hot, but you ain’t too bright.” It’s true. The girl can’t act, but she’s hot and she spends most of the movie bending over things. The newcomer, Isabel Lucas, is arguably hotter, shows off her panties, and then turns into a Terminator.

I don’t want to give the impression that I’d rather have those scenes cut, because they were hot. Oh wait, no, the Pretender character (a robot disguised as a real person) is just lame. The gimmick didn’t fly in 1988 and it still doesn’t fly. I’d hate to see Alice the Horny Co-ed Robot go, but it just doesn’t add to the movie at all.

Who else could go? They introduce Sam’s college roommate in this one, and he pretty much just eats up screen time that could have gone to giant robots fighting. He tags along for the rest of the movie and ends up being the butt of Skids and Mudflap’s offensive jokes. It’s rumored that he’ll get a bigger role in the third movie though.

Speaking of Skids and Mudflap… I wasn’t offended by their stereotypical personalities and appearances (this happens all the time in cartoons), but many other people were. Their bad language and crude humor should have been curtailed. I love crude humor, but it didn’t work here for me. Many other Autobots had no lines at all, so what gives?

That’s about it for parts that could have been excised from the movie. Don’t even get me started on plot issues or breaking with established canon. At about two hours into the movie, when my bladder was uncomfortably full, I was wishing for a more concise story with less expositional scenes. I smiled the whole time though.

I dig this new commercial, even if it doesn’t have Peter Cullen’s voice in it.  We didn’t see the new “strawberry and peanut butter” flavor at Target, but I’ll be sure to grab some when that trailer comes crashing down on my local store!  I still need about ten more bags for my free candy dispensers.  Well, not so much free, since the big bags of M&Ms are on sale for 2/$5 right now (and you need five for one dispenser).

I first heard of Rene on Twitter, where her handle is “reneengstrom“.  Today, she was taking random requests for quick sketches and then posting the results for everyone to see.  Some of the requests were pretty out there, but she came through imaginatively every time.  I requested an Optimus Prime sketch, and she sent over a picture of her work.  That’s some funny stuff; I laughed out loud.  Thanks, Rene! You made my day.